Decisions
by WhatIfThingsWereDifferent
Summary: He didn't want me. I don't know if he ever did.
1. Chapter 1

SM OWNS IT ALL  
So…you're probably reading this after you saw the AN of my story (which just ended) 'What If'  
These two are in no/way/shape or form similar with the exception of the angst J  
ALSO…please note in advance that the character states: BELLA (ONLY) this means I'm not going to tell you who she ends up with AND believe me when I say I completely understand if you want to flounce now because I only read Bella/Edward and if I see BELLA only…I get a little freaked out and my body starts sort of cringing up…YOU know what I mean ;)  
I will say that this story is intense, very very intense…so if you decide to hop on the 'HOLY SHIAT' train then AWESOME BLOSSOM!  
Also…I have 6 chapters written thus far which means…I will update them all now AND I want y'alls feedback on whether or not I should continue…ALSO…if the feedback is positive and you want me to move forward then I will update with 5 chapters next week…OK, talk to you soon! XOXO

His forehead  
Pressed against mine  
Moving inside me  
Slowly  
So  
So  
So  
Slowly  
It aches so good  
In  
Out  
In  
Out  
Goosebumps cover my skin  
His breath blows  
Across my face  
I reach up  
And  
Run my tongue along  
His lips  
Passion  
Desire  
So  
Much  
Emotion


	2. Chapter 2

SM OWNS IT ALL

He moans  
'Baby'  
Over  
And  
Over  
Hips pressing again mine  
Speeds up  
So good  
So good  
So  
So  
So  
I don't even realize  
I'm saying this out loud  
Open my eyes  
Mouth captures mine  
Our tongues dance  
Much  
Like our bodies  
'Feel me'  
He moves my hand  
To where we're joined  
'Feel us'  
And  
I let go


	3. Chapter 3

SM OWNS IT ALL

No rhythm  
He's in a hurry  
Always  
Always  
Always  
In a hurry  
Waiting  
Wondering  
When  
He  
Will come home  
When  
It will all end  
But  
We don't care  
Because  
Even when we rush  
It's perfect  
It's always perfect  
We're  
Always  
Perfect


	4. Chapter 4

SM OWNS IT AL

I can feel his release  
He covers my mouth  
'Shhhh baby Shhhh'  
I don't realize I'm making a sound  
But  
I can't hold it in  
Everything feels  
It feels  
He  
Makes  
Me feel  
My head is dizzy  
Thinking about him  
Chuckles against my lips  
He knows what he does to me  
And  
When I lift my hips  
To pull him closer  
I know what I do to him  
too


	5. Chapter 5

SM OWNS IT ALL

He pulls out  
Rolling over  
And  
Pulling me into his side  
In the process  
Moves my hair  
Over my shoulder  
Kisses my back  
'Hmmmm that was amazing baby'  
I smile  
He can't see me  
As  
I'm facing the other way  
But  
He knows  
I agree


	6. Chapter 6

SM OWNS IT ALL  
Ok…this is the last chapter…LET me know if y'all want me to continue the story! If you don't…well then just don't say anything and I'll catch your drift ;) HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE!

We fall asleep  
For how long  
I don't know  
He wakes me up  
With kisses along my spine  
'Bella. I'm leaving'  
Mumble no  
I don't want him to leave  
I never want him to leave  
He makes me feel  
Perfect  
Accepted  
Desirable  
Loved  
Wanted  
Beautiful  
Everything that  
Edward  
Doesn't


	7. Chapter 7

SM OWNS IT ALL...

Well, the masses have spoken and I'm pretty sure y'all want me to continue...OHHHHHHH and someone nominated my other story 'What If' for Top 10 fics in December on twifanfictionrecs and just WOW...WOW! I am so just...WOW! Thanks to whomever did that :)

ON WITH THIS CRAY CRAY SHOW!

We're sitting on the couch

When

He walks in

He acknowledges Riley

But

Not me

Never me

If he knew what

Riley

And

I

Were doing

10 minutes ago

He wouldn't acknowledge him

Or

Maybe he would

Who the fuck knows

Does he even care

About me

At All

Why am I here again

Good

Fucking

Question


	8. Chapter 8

SM OWNS IT ALL

Riley gives him a

'What's up'

Head nod

Before

Edward heads into the kitchen

Not one fucking word

Not one

And

The kicker

I watch him

I stare at him

The entire time

My eyes scan to Riley

He can tell I'm upset

But

What can I expect

It's never any different

It's my fault I live like this

Riley reaches over

Grabs my hand

Winks

And

Smiles

And

Once again

Everything is perfect


	9. Chapter 9

SM OWNS IT ALL

Edward goes straight to bed

I follow

Two hours later

It never fails

I shower

Change into a sexy negligee

And

Climb into bed

He doesn't move

He doesn't turn over

He doesn't do a damn thing

He never does

Not

Anymore

And

I'm tired of it

I'm

So

So

So

Tired of it


	10. Chapter 10

SM OWNS IT ALL

I head to the kitchen

In the middle of the night

For some water

Riley has his head in the fridge

He hears me

And

Looks up

His eyes rake over my body

Igniting a fire

One look

That's all it takes from him

It's all it used to take from

Edward

'Fuck you're so sexy baby'

He wants me

He always wants me

When

My own boyfriend

Never does


	11. Chapter 11

SM OWNS IT ALL

I smile coyly

Walk over to him

And

Kiss him

Right on the lips

In the middle of the kitchen

Where he can walk into

At

Any

Moment

But

I don't care

Riley grabs my ass

Pulling me to hips

And

Lifts my negligee

Over my body

He leaves no room

Between

My body and his

I'm now standing in the kitchen

In nothing


	12. Chapter 12

SM Owns It All

His hands reach up

Mouth latching onto my nipples

Which one

I don't know

I don't even care

I can feel everything

He tugs

I whisper a fuck

He grounds his cock into me

'Can you feel what you do to me'

I grab at him

Trying to lessen the ache

I'm sure he feels

No matter

How close we are

It never feels like we're close enough

'You are my world Bella. My world. Do you get that. Do you'

I shake my head

Because

I don't get that

I don't

Because

Edward has always been my world

Always

And

Now he's not

And

Sometimes

Well

Sometimes

I feel like

Riley is only there to fill this ache

This ache inside me

That's

Always

There


	13. Chapter 13

SM OWNS IT ALL

He pulls at my hair

Whispers

'Answer me Bella'

I shake my head

Again

Again

Again

He pulls harder

He knows I like it

'Yes. Yes. I know Riley. I know'

Lean my head

Into his chest

I can't say it back

But

He doesn't expect me to

He knows

Oh how

He knows

This

Is

Just

A

Means

To

An

End


	14. Chapter 14

SM OWNS IT ALL

'Look at me Bella'

Shake my head

'Look at me baby'

He grabs at my chin

Making me giggle

Into his chest

It's so easy with him

Everything is just so easy

And

I don't know if it's love

Or

If it's just the attention

That

I need

That

I crave

That

I want

That

I don't get

From

Anyone

But

Him


	15. Chapter 15

SM OWNS IT ALL

I lift my head

Slowly

His eyes on mine

Searching for something

That

I know

He won't see

I just don't have it

In me anymore

I'm confused

I'm scared

I'm lost

But

When I'm with him

When he's looking at me

Like he is right now

I don't feel

Lost

I feel

Like for the first time

In a long time

Someone has actually

Found me

And

That

THAT

Is what scares me the most


	16. Chapter 16

SM OWNS IT ALL

'Let's go to bed baby'

He may say this

But

We both know

I won't be going to his bed

I'll be going to Edward's

Which basically means

I'll be going to bed alone

Always alone

'Don't look at me like that. You know I'd take you with me in a heartbeat Bella'

'I know'

We stare

Daring the other to speak first

It always comes to this

Always

The same question

Every time

'Why don't you leave him. Why. He obviously doesn't care if you're here. He doesn't even acknowledge you half the time. Why stay. Why'

And

My answer is always

The same


	17. Chapter 17

SM OWNS IT ALL

'You know why Riley'

His mouth sets in a firm line

Shakes his head

'Yah. I do. And. It's a bullshit excuse Bella'

His voice rises

I tell him to shush

I don't want Edward coming out here

Or

Maybe I do

Would it matter

No

He wouldn't think anything of it

He wouldn't care

It's the same damn thing

Everyday

All the time

'It's not a bullshit excuse. It's the truth'

I put my head down

Focus on the tile in the kitchen

'Seriously Bella. Come on. You say you won't leave him because you've been with him forever. Forgive me if I think you're lying. I think it's because you're scared of who you would be without him. You're scared to be alone'

My eyes glisten with tears

I feel them fall over

And

Roll down my cheeks

He's never taken it this far before

And

He knows it


	18. Chapter 18

SM OWNS IT ALL

He grabs my face

And

Begins kissing my tears away

'Shit. Shit. I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry. Please don't cry'

I push against him

But

He won't let me

He pulls me closer

He's apologizing to me

TO ME

When everything he said was the truth

He's right

I'm scared to leave

I'm scared to be alone

I'm scared to think of the type of woman I'd be

Without him

I'm scared to be by myself

I'm scared to BE myself

I'm scared to find out who that person might be

Because

Honestly

I have no idea who that person is anymore

I have no idea who Bella Swan is

And

That

Terrifies me


	19. Chapter 19

SM OWNS IT ALL

Head back to our room

Mine and Edward's

Not

Riley's

Never

Riley's

Open the door

Careful not to make a sound

And

Slip back into bed

Edward doesn't even move

He couldn't be further to the left

Of the bed

If he tried

It wasn't always like this

He used to sleep right on top of me

Literally

And

Those memories

Are

What keep me around

Those memories

Are

What keep me fighting

But

Not Anymore

I'm done


	20. Chapter 20

SM OWNS IT ALL

The next morning

I awake to the shower running

Sit up

Rub my eyes

Of course

The bathroom door

Is shut

He used to leave it open

In the hopes that I would join

He doesn't do that anymore

He hasn't for a while

Trying hard to keep the tears back

There used to be a time

I would jump out of bed and run to him

Because

Who doesn't love morning sex

But

Not Anymore

After he leaves

I join Riley instead

Roll over

Smile into my pillow

Shutters run throughout

My body

Something so wrong

Has never felt

So

Good


	21. Chapter 21

SM OWNS IT ALL

The shower turns off

Curtain flung back

Hear him moving around

Getting ready for the day

I choose to stay in bed

But

This time I don't pretend to be

Asleep

The bathroom door opens

His eyes widen

Yah

I'm surprised at myself honey

Walks over to his dresser

I don't take my eyes away from him

His back is facing me

He's trying so hard to not look into the mirror

He fails

Eyes meet mine

And he's quick to avert them to his sock drawer

Which

At the moment

Seems to be the most interesting place in the world

Times up Edward

I'm done


	22. Chapter 22

SM OWNS IT ALL

I stand up

Make my way over

He doesn't look up

But

I know

He knows

I'm standing behind him

His back tenses up

'Edward'

I whisper

He doesn't look up

Nothing

I go to put my hand on his back

And

He flinches away

I can't handle this

I can't do this

Not anymore

He doesn't want me here

And

I don't want to be here

But

Instead of telling him this

I just turn away

I can feel his eyes on my back

Waiting to see what I do next

He's testing me

But

This time

I'm done

I'm just so fucking done


	23. Chapter 23

SM OWNS IT ALL

I don't live here

I have my own place

When he asked me to move in over 6 months ago

I said, 'Yes'

Of course I said yes

But

I kept my place

Just in case

And

He was so mad at me for doing so

He said I was setting us up for failure

But no

He did that all on his own

When I pull my suitcase out from

Underneath the bed

And

Catch him watching me in the mirror

It's obvious he just remembered

I had other options

My apartment never felt so good


	24. Chapter 24

SM OWNS IT ALL

I will not cry

I will not cry

Is my mantra

As I continue to throw

Things into my suitcase

I will not look up

I will not look up

Is my other mantra

Because

I know if I do

He'll be watching me

And

Just NO

Fuck him

FUCK HIM

It takes now

It takes me packing up

MY THINGS

For him to even acknowledge me

For him to even look my way

I will not cry

I will not cry


	25. Chapter 25

SM OWNS IT ALL

'What are you doing Bella'

My entire body cringes with his words

I don't know if it's because he hasn't spoken to me directly

In weeks

Or

If I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore

Shake my head

Don't respond

He slams his hand down on the dresser

I jump

'Answer me Bella. What the fuck are you doing'

I look up

His eyes widen

He didn't expect me to respond

I spread my arms out

'What does it look like I'm doing'

He takes a step

I put my hand up

'No. Just no. You've had so much time. So. Many opportunities. To fix this. To fix us. And. You haven't. And. I'm done. I'm just so fucking done. And. It's obvious that you could give two shits as well. So. I'm making it easy on the both of us and I'm leaving. So. If you'll excuse me I'm going to continue packing and by the time you get home this evening. My things nor I will be here. Which will be great considering you haven't spoke or even looked in my general direction in I don't even know how long'

I move to go to the bathroom to grab my things

He doesn't follow


	26. Chapter 26

SM OWNS IT ALL

Hey new readers :) let me know how you found my story! XoXo!

I shut the bathroom door behind me

Lean against the sink

Close my eyes

Come on Bella

Breathe

Don't let him win

Keep your head held high

YOU

Did nothing wrong

I snort at my internal dialogue

Yah

I did nothing wrong except

Fuck

His best friend

My mind decides to shut up after that

My knuckles are white

From

Gripping the sink so tight

I would be lying if I didn't think

He'd follow

He'd fight

He'd do something

To keep me here

But

I guess Riley was right

Edward was just as done

As

I was

As

I am


	27. Chapter 27

SM OWNS IT ALL

My skin prickles

He's outside the door

I can feel him

Close my eyes

Do it

Do it

Edward

Knock

Please just fucking knock

He leaves

And

Just like that

The

Tears

Fall


	28. Chapter 28

SM Owns It All

Lift my eyes

Stare into the mirror

When did I become

This person

This woman

That

Allowed a man

To walk all over her

I didn't used to be like this

I used to smile

I used to flirt

I used to be happy

I used to love

I used to do alot of things

Alot

Of things

That

I don't do now

Shake my head

Smile at myself in the mirror

It's going to get worse before it gets better

Bella

It's going to get worse before it gets better

Grab my toothbrush

And

Throw it into my bag

Open the door

And

Step back

'What are you doing in here'


	29. Chapter 29

SM Owns It All

He smiles

'That wasn't necessarily the greeting I was expecting. Actually. I just wanted to see what the hell was going on. And why Edward flew out the door slamming it in the process. You guys fighting?'

Shake my head

Suddenly the carpet becomes the most interesting place on earth

'No shit. You did it. You seriously did it. You're leaving him'

I look up

He's grabbing at his hair

'Riley. Listen. I didn't break up with him for you. So. You don't have to worry about me being around. Cramping your style. We had what we had. Whatever the fuck it was'

His eyes whip to mine

Stands up

Walks over

'Fuck Bella. Is that what you think of me. One word. One word from you. And. I would do everything in my power to be with you. One word. Just one'

Suddenly the rooms heats up

He reaches for my face

Closes the distance

Kisses me


	30. Chapter 30

SM OWNS IT ALL

Suddenly I'm on the bed

The bed

Which

Hasn't gotten any action

In weeks

Months

I moan into his mouth

I can't do this

I hate Edward

I fucking hate him

But

I won't fuck another guy in his bed to spite him

'Riley'

He doesn't stop

'Riley'

I try to push against his chest

He doesn't stop

'Riley. Stop'

He doesn't stop

'RILEY'

That gets his attention

His head snaps up

'What. What is it'

'I have to go Riley. I have to leave. I can't be here anymore'

He nods

Stands up from the bed

And

Offers me his hand

I grab my suitcase

But

He pushes my hand out of the way

Reaches for it instead

'I'll walk you out'

I can only imagine the look of confusion on my face

This boy

This boy

Who is nothing to me

Yet means so much

Is walking me out

While the boy whom I love

Whom I loved

Left

I seriously need to get my priorities in order

'Thanks Riley'

And

With that

We walk out of Edward's bedroom


	31. Chapter 31

SM OWNS IT ALL

It feels like a dream

Leaving this place

Seeing this place

For the last time

It's weird

Bittersweet

Yet

Sweet

All in one

We head toward the front door

But

I pause

By the table

And

Take the key off my key ring

There is no need for a note

We both already said everything

I chuckle out loud

We actually said nothing at all

Shake my head to clear my thoughts

Place the key on the table

Then walk out the door

Which is being held open by Riley

And

Say a silent goodbye

To both

Edward

And

Our relationship


	32. Chapter 32

SM OWNS IT ALL

'Call me if you need anything'

Smile

'Thanks Riley'

He is leaning against the door

Head inside my window

Waiting

Waiting for something

That

He isn't going to get from me

Not right now anyways

'Can I text you later'

I smile

'Sure'

'Can I come over later. I've never been to your place before'

'Not tonight. I need to be alone tonight'

He nods

He understands

He always understands

'Please call me if you need anything Bella. I'm here for you. As a friend. Or more.'

He wiggles his eyebrows

Trying to make me laugh

It works

But

He isn't the boy

I want there

He was just the boy

That

Took the pain away

That

Took the hurt away

That

Made me feel wanted

What have I done


	33. Chapter 33

SM Owns It All

I wipe the tears away from my eyes

And

Take the stairs

I need to clear my head

I need to get out of my thoughts

I decide right then and there

That

I will start running

I mean isn't that what people say to do

Run

Running clears your mind

Or

Maybe I should be doing the whole

To get over one relationship you need to get under another

Ha

I've already done that

Stop Bella Stop

I'm seriously my own worst enemy

It's starting to get dark outside

I grab my keys

And

Unlock my car

My phone buzzes in my hand

My hearts beats double

Maybe he is reaching out

Maybe he is checking on me

Look down

1 new text message

*Riley*

I'm going out with Edward tonight. He still hasn't mentioned anything about you and him. Are you ok.

I respond back

I'm fine.

Then

Turn off my phone

Turn around

And

Head back upstairs

I'll sleep on the fucking floor tonight


	34. Chapter 34

SM OWNS IT ALL

Hey all! Ok...I haven't really gotten any feedback on the story, with the exception of my trusty reviewers who followed from my last story and I just want to make sure you actually like the story...as I decided to continue because everyone said it was their cup of tea and I'm getting follows like cray cray...SO let me know! XOXO Sweets!

*Tap*Tap*Tap*

I sit up

What the fuck was that

*Tap*Tap*Tap

Is someone seriously at my front door

Look around my living room

No weapon is sight

Great

I walk quietly toward the door

Note the time on the microwave in the kitchen

2:10 am

'BELLA. Open the door'

Jump back

Knocking over the stool next to my table in the process

'BELLA *Pound*Pound* Open the fucking door. I know you are in there'

What the hell is Edward doing here

I don't move a muscle

Thud

I assume it's his head

'Bella. Please. Please. Don't do this. Open the door. Lets talk. Please. Please. I want to talk'

I can hear the slurring in his voice

He's drunk

No fucking way am I letting him in

So instead

I walk over

Place my back against the door

And

Slide down

I may not open it

But

I'm certainly not going to move away


	35. Chapter 35

SM OWNS IT ALL

Um...SO...I take it y'all like it! Thanks for the reviews! I love responding back to everyone! XOXO

I don't know how long I sit here

My butt is numb

My legs are numb

But

I don't care

I won't move

I won't

There is silence on the other side

Of the door

But

I know he's there

I can feel him


	36. Chapter 36

SM OWNS IT ALL

Silence

'I know you're there Bella'

Silence

'I can feel you'

Silence

'I can always feel you'

Silence

I'm sure he's gripping at his hair

'Even when I don't fucking want to. You're there. How do I get you out of my head. Out of my heart. Tell me. Please. Just fucking tell me. I need you to not be there. I need you to let me go. How do I let you go. Tell me. Tell me'

His voice is rising

I can hear his head fall against the door

Over and Over

'Tell me. Tell me. Tell me'


	37. Chapter 37

SM OWNS IT ALL

I bite my knuckle

I don't want to speak

I don't know what to say

I hiss when I break the skin

I can still hear his head knocking against the door

'Damn it Bella. Talk to me. Open the door. Let me in'

I see my notepad

The notepad he got me

The one that's in the shape of a heart

On my counter

I stand up

Knees pop in the process

Tiptoe over

Grab a pen from the drawer

And

Start to write


	38. Chapter 38

SM OWNS IT ALL

I walk back over

Unlock the chain

Sit down

I turn the knob

And

Slowly slide the heart

Between the space

Edward's fingers reach out

Trying to grab mine in the process

I pull back

Slam it shut

If he touches me

It's over

I'll take him back

And

I can't do that

Not right now

Not when he shows up

In the middle of the night drunk

It's not fair to me

It's not fair to either of us

I hear his intake of breath

He must have read what I wrote

'I know I did Bella. I know'


	39. Chapter 39

SM OWNS IT ALL

'I know you're still there Bella'

Silence

'Please open the door. Please let me see you'

Don't respond

Inhale of breath

'What happened to us Bella

Silence

'Was it me. Did I do something wrong. Did you meet someone. Please. Please. Just tell me. Tell me what happened so I can fix it. So. I can fix us.


	40. Chapter 40

SM OWNS IT ALL

I can't take this any longer

I can't sit here

It hasn't even been a full day

It's been hours

He hasn't spoke to me in how long

Yet

When I leave

He decides to play

The good guy

Showing up drunk

After a night out with friends

'Friend'

He knocks on the door

I don't answer

He continues to knock

I open the door

A

Tiny

Bit

As

He slides the piece of paper back

Reach for it

Unfold

Tears form in my eyes

And

For the first time

I speak

'It doesn't change anything Edward. Just go. Please. Just go'

Wipe my tears

Stand up

Walk away

Like I should have

Months ago

Like I will now


	41. Chapter 41

SM OWNS IT ALL

'BELLA'

I'm in my bedroom

Yet

I can hear him screaming

From the front door

'DAMN IT BELLA'

My phone lights up

*Edward*

*Edward*

*Edward*

'BELLA'

1 new text

*I'm not leaving*

I text back

*Leave. Or. I'll call the cops*

This must amuse him

I can hear him laughing

Loudly

'CALL THE FUCKING COPS BELLA! I DON'T CARE'

At this point

I don't have any other choice

I pick up the phone

*ring*

*ring*

'Bella. Are you ok'

'Riley. I need your help. Edward's here'


	42. Chapter 42

SM OWNS IT ALL

Hey Loves :)

'I'll be right there'

*Click*

I should not have done that

Fuck

I should not have done that

Pace my bedroom

'BELLA'

Damn it Edward

But

What other choice do I have

He won't leave

My neighbors will eventually call the police

And

Who am I kidding

I would never make him leave

In truth

I want him to actually stay

With me

Need me

Want me

So

Why

Why

Would I ever make him leave

Which is why I called

Riley

I'm using him

Once again

At this point

I'm beginning to wonder

If I'll ever stop


	43. Chapter 43

SM OWNS IT ALL

I hear a car door slam

Footsteps

'What the fuck are you doing here'

Silence

'What the fuck man. Why are you here. Did she call you. She called you. Wow'

I hear shuffling

'Come on man. Let me help you up'

More shuffling

I walk quietly to the door

Look out the peep hole

I can see Riley standing outside

But

I can't see Edward

Riley leans down

Jumps back

'Don't. DON'T. Leave me alone. I'm staying right here. Outside her door. I'm not leaving. DID YOU HEAR ME BELLA. I'M NOT FUCKING LEAVING'

'Edward. Shut the hell up dude. She has neighbors'

Mumble

'Don't care'

Edward jumps up

Staring at me through the peephole

He doesn't know I'm there

But

Shit

It scared the hell out of me

He starts pounding

'BELLA. BELLA. Answer the door. Do you hear me. I'm not leaving. I don't care if your neighbors call the cops. I'm staying until you open the door'

I can't take this anymore

I can't take his screaming

I can't take his pleading

I open the door

Fuck me


	44. Chapter 44

SM OWNS IT ALL

I fling open the door

Obviously not aware

Of my half dressed attire

Which you know

Is just great

Considering it's about 50 below outside

'What the hell do you want Edward? What. What do you want. Seriously. What'

I probably could have approached this in a better way

But

I'm upset

I'm hurt

I'm confused

His eyes widen

Scan the length of my body

I have finally gotten some sort of the reaction from the guy

Smirk

'Do you like what you see Edward'

Riley's eyes widen

'Do you. Because. You sure as shit haven't acted like it for the past few months. So. Why. Why now. Is it because you're drunk. Is that it. Is it because I left. What is it'

He continues to stare at me

Gaze hardens

Moves forward

I move back

Moves forward

Steps inside my apartment

I push back

He shakes his head

Grabs the door

Slams it shut

Turns the lock

With

Riley on the other side


	45. Chapter 45

SM OWNS IT ALL

Heavy breathing

Both

He and I

Seething

He shakes his head

Step toward him

Push against his chest

With

Both hands

I reach for the door handle

Try to turn the knob

But

He grabs my wrist

I can hear Riley pounding on the door

Telling me to open up

I'm trying

I'm trying

I'm trying


	46. Chapter 46

SM OWNS IT ALL

His arms wrap around my waist

Picking me up

And

Pulling me away from the door

Toward the bedroom

I'm screaming

I'm kicking

I'm crying

'What the fuck is wrong with you Bella. Stop screaming'

His arms tighten around my waist

It hurts

'STOP. Edward. STOP'

I can still hear the muffled cries of Riley

Telling me to open the door

But

Not anymore

Because

Edward slams the door shut

Effectively locking us both in my bedroom

Tosses me on the bed


	47. Chapter 47

SM OWNS IT ALL

I don't look at him

Stare at the door

Can't be in here

Don't want to be in here

For the first time in our relationship

I'm scared

Of

Him

He's shaking

Feel his eyes on my body

Gauging what I'll do next

I lean to the right

He leans to the left

'Just stop Bella. Just stop and talk'

Start biting on the end of my thumb nail

Shake my head

Knee bouncing

'No'

Quick to answer

'Well. How about I don't give you a choice'

My eyes flick to his

He wants to talk

Fine

I'll talk

Breathe in

Look right into his eyes

And

For the first time

In a long time

I'm honest with myself

'You're a stranger to me'

Breathe out


	48. Chapter 48

SM owns it all

My head is heavy

My thoughts

My feelings

My life

It's all too heavy

I'm watching him

I'm watching for some kind of

Reaction

That

Will never come

Anything

To prove to me that he cares

That he sees me

That he sees

I'm hurting enough

For the both of us

I blink

But

My eyes stay shut

I don't want to open them

Afraid he'll see my tears

And

He doesn't deserve my tears


	49. Chapter 49

SM OWNS IT ALL

Ok...y'all hold onto your 'ANGST' pillows...it's going to get a bit intense moving forward...just wanted to let y'all know! XO

'Who told you'

My entire body covers

In goosebumps

He's asking me

He's talking to me

And

Maybe I knew

Maybe I didn't

Or

Maybe I knew

But

Didn't want to believe

But

I know now

My life

My heart

Our hearts

Won't get through this

We're broken

Beautifully

Beautifully

Broken


	50. Chapter 50

SM OWNS IT ALL

I don't look up

I won't look up

I continue to play with my fingers

Which are in my lap

Feel the bed dip

I don't look up

I won't loop up

He's sitting in front of me

His hand reaches out

To unravel mine

I don't let him

Move them behind my back

Look up

Smile

I'm so fake it's sickening

His eyes widen

'Who told me what Edward'


	51. Chapter 51

SM OWNS IT ALL

Shakes his head

Closes his eyes

Not me

I keep mine open

And

Stare

It's funny

I thought I knew this man

I thought I knew his face

I thought I knew his likes

I thought I knew his dislikes

I thought I knew his needs

I thought I knew his wants

And

Now

Well

Now

When I look at him

I realize

I don't know him at all

But

He doesn't know me either


	52. Chapter 52

SM OWNS IT ALL

His eyes open

Surprisingly

They don't flinch

We're both open in this moment

Our hearts

Our souls

Open

But

I want

No

I need him to lie to me

Like

He has been

Because this hurts

Because this feels like the rooms is closing in on me

Because for the first time in a long time

He's looking at me

Not through me

And

We both know

We're over


	53. Chapter 53

SM OWNS IT ALL

'It was one time'

And

There it is

I try to take a breathe

But

I can't

So

I try to hold it instead

Everything

Is falling around me

Of course I thought it was a possibility

But

Of course I thought he would never do that to me

But

He did

A sob escapes

I look around the room

For the quickest escape

I have to get out of here

'Oh fuck Bella. Please. Please'

He knows

If I leave

I'm gone

I never face my problems

Do one better

I run away

Jump up from the bed

He jumps up right behind me

Grabs me around the waist

Pulls me to his chest

'Please. Please. Please'

I can't hear anymore

I'm in a tunnel

I can feel his face pushing into my neck

I can feel his tears hit my shoulder

I can feel his arms tighten around me

But

I'm not here

I'm not anywhere


	54. Chapter 54

SM OWNS IT ALL

'Listen to me Bella. Dammit. Listen to me'

Try to shake my head

But I can't

Try to focus on my surroundings

But I can't

He has a hold of my chin

Tightly

Push against him

But I can't

His other hand is wrapped around my waist

Start screaming

'LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO'

And

Kicking

But

It doesn't matter

I'm not going anywhere

He won't allow it

Feel the tears pouring down my cheeks

He turns my face to the side

Eyes closed

Whispers into my ear

'Listen to me. I'll tell you everything. Everything. Just stop and listen to me'

I don't want this

I want to leave

I want to get away from him

I reach into my pocket

Pull out the note I wrote him earlier

Put the words into his hand

'_You told me I was your everything_'

His forehead pressed against mine

This time when I push against his chest

He lets me go


	55. Chapter 55

SM OWNS IT ALL

'I think you should leave'

Walk over to my bedroom door

Open

He walks towards me

Head down

Stops

Slams it shut

'I told you I'm not leaving'

I laugh

It's not me

I'm not myself

I grab the door handle

Before I can turn the knob

His hand covers mine

Squeezing in the process

It hurts

It burns

I want to cry out

But

I don't

At least I feel something


	56. Chapter 56

SM OWNS IT ALL

What are y'all thinking...too angsty?

I stare at his hand

Around mine

Squeezes harder

I know what he's doing

He's trying to get my attention

He's trying to get a reaction

He's trying to get anything from me

Because

He knows

I'm done

And

He's scared

Good


	57. Chapter 57

SM OWNS IT ALL

'It happened a few months ago'

Tense up

Removes his hand

Sighs

Runs his fingers through his hair

'It happened one time'

Of course it did

'I regretted it right after it happened'

Of course you did

'She meant nothing to me'

Of course she didn't

'You have to believe me'

Of course I do

'Bella. Say something'

Look up

Stare into his eyes

Saying everything I can't

At least not now

I should tell him

I should make him feel less awful

I should admit my lies

But

I don't


	58. Chapter 58

SM OWNS IT ALL

'I don't know why I did it. No idea. You're everything to me. Everything. And. I threw it away like you were nothing. I tried to stop. I tried. But. I didn't. And. For that. I'm sorry. I'm more sorry than you will ever know. And. What for. To get 15 minutes of gratification. To get 15 minutes of worrying about nothing but myself. Myself and no one else. 15 minutes. That's all it took to ruin my life. Because. No matter how great it felt. Living with this guilt for the past few months. Seeing you everyday and knowing I ruined everything. Has been worse than anything I've been through my entire life. And. I have no one to blame. No one. But. Myself'

His tears fall

Eyes never waver from mine

He's waiting

For something

Anything

I feel my own tears

'Why Edward'

Shakes his head

Close my eyes

Tears trickle down

In the same breath

I say

'We're done'

You say

'But. I stopped before it got too far'


	59. Chapter 59

SM Owns it all

'I promise Bella. I promise. I didn't let it get too far. I stopped it. I didn't sleep with her. You have to believe me. Please. Please tell me that you believe me'

I open my mouth to speak

He cuts me off

Grabs my arm

And

Pulls me to him

'That's why. That's why I've been so distant. I couldn't take it. I couldn't look at you. And. I thought. I thought that was my punishment. You know. To have to see you everyday knowing what I've done. I pushed you away. And. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. You have to forgive me. It'll go back to how it was before. You can trust me. I won't do it again. Nothing like this will ever happen again'


	60. Chapter 60

SM owns it all

He folds into me

Sobs rack his body

Grabs my hair

Pushes his face against my chest

All I hear

Are his mumbles

Please  
Please  
Please

Snap out of it Bella

I pull away

Reach forward

Cradling his face in my hands

His emotions overwhelm me

I can't tell him

I can't

Not now

Instead

I place light kisses across his face

And

Whisper

'Shhh shhhh I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you'

His sobs grow louder


	61. Chapter 61

I made the character 'Bella' because I'm not saying who she will end up with...if that is hard for you, maybe you shouldn't read past this...I mean honestly, if I wasn't guaranteed B*E...I would be hesitant to read as well...I won't be mad if you stop! I won't! XOXO

He starts kissing along my neck

His tears

Land upon my shoulders

Baby

Baby

Baby

He mumbles

I should stop him

I should stop this

But

I don't

I won't

His hands move up slowly

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I love you

I love you

I love you

He is holding onto me

Yet

Moving us at the same time

My legs hit the end of the bed

His teeth nip against my ear

Whispers

'Let me make this better. Let me make us better'

I should stop him

But

I don't

I won't


	62. Chapter 62

SM OWNS IT ALL

He pushes me onto the bed

My eyes widen

I've never seen this side of him before

His face is intense

His posture is intense

His eyes are intense

Everything

Including my body

Feels on fire

I'm excited

I'm scared

My back arches

As I try to scoot up toward the headboard

I can't decide if I'm trying to move

Away from him

Or

From what's to come

He sees what I'm doing

Grabs my waist

Tight

Pulls me away from the mattress

His smirk widens

And

The next thing I know

I'm perched on the edge of the bed

While Edward plants kisses down my stomach


	63. Chapter 63

SM OWNS IT ALL

Before he gets too far

I ask

The one fucking thing I shouldn't

But

I do

None the less

'Edward'

He looks up

His eyes black as stone

He's trying to control himself

This person I've never seen before

'Edward. Did you do this'

I can't complete my sentence

I turn my head to the side

Try to compose myself

His hands are on my thighs

Massaging

Trying to bring me back to the moment

But

I don't want to be in this moment anymore

It doesn't feel like my moment

It doesn't feel like our moment

It feels like his moment

With

Someone else

And

It hurts

And

It makes me sick

And

I have to ask

'Did you do this with her'


	64. Chapter 64

SM OWNS IT ALL

'You don't have to tell me. You just seem so different. This isn't you. You are always tender and romantic. You aren't like this. At least not with me. And. Now. I'm wondering if maybe it was because you were bored. Maybe I wasn't what you wanted. Maybe this is what you want instead. I just. I just'

I stop talking

Try to compose myself

It's funny because this is how I act with Riley

This is how I act with the man I'm fucking behind his back

Like I can't get enough

Like my entire body will explode with desire

And

Maybe

Just maybe

He has me figured out as well

'I have no right to ask. I know I don't. But. I just. I need to know'

And

Then I hear

It's not even a whisper

It's more of a breath

From his lips

'Bella'

And

It tells me everything

I need to know


	65. Chapter 65

SM OWNS IT ALL

'You did. You did. Ok. Ok. Yah. You did. Ok. I can handle this. Yah. Ok'

I go to sit up

But

He stops me

Lays his arms over my stomach

Effectively keeping me in place

But

I need to get up

I have to get up

I feel like I'm suffocating

'Edward. Please move. I can't breathe. Just move. Please'

I can feel the tears well up in my eyes

My head turns from side to side

Trying to focus on anything

Trying to make sense of everything

I think I'm going to be sick

I push against his arms

'Bella. Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Please. Just. Stop'

I start laughing

I don't even recognize myself

'I mean it makes sense. You haven't touched me in months. Yah. Yah. It makes sense. This is what you want. You want someone who pushes your buttons. Not someone who is complacent and a little miss goody goody'

If he had any idea

Any idea at all

Who I was

Who I am

Now


	66. Chapter 66

SM OWNS IT ALL

I sort of like the updating numerous chapters once a week thing I have going on right now, thoughts?

'I need you to go. I just need a little bit of time. Ok. Just a little time. I'm not saying this is forever. I just need to breathe and I can't breathe with you in this room. And. Thank you. Thank you for telling me. But. I just need some time'

I keep talking in circles

I'm confused

I'm scared

I'm not myself

And

He needs to just leave

But

Of course he doesn't

I move away from him

He moves forward

I move toward the door

He blocks it

I move to go under his arm

He closes it off

I push against his chest

He pulls against my arms

Into him

Into him

Into him

And

I fall

Like always


	67. Chapter 67

Um. Yah...Intensity...SM OWNS IT ALL

Feel his lips

Then

A tender kiss to the top of my head

Then

He lets go

Turns and leaves

Not one word

Nothing

Doesn't look at me

Nothing

I honestly don't know if this is goodbye

It feels like goodbye

But

Everything feels like goodbye with us

It's felt like goodbye for months

I hear the door slam

Or

Maybe it didn't

I stand there for minutes

I stand there for hours

I don't move until someone grabs my hand

Softly

Murmurs

'Bella'

Turn my glassy eyes to the right

Riley


	68. Chapter 68

SM OWNS IT ALL

Y'all still there?

'Riley'

The tears fall

One by one

Grabs my arms

Pulls me against his body

'It's ok. It's ok. I came over once Edward got home. He looked awful. He wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know what happened'

Pulls me away from his body

Looking me over

'Are you ok. Did he hurt you'

Shake my head no

'Did you tell him about us'

Shake my head no

'Are you going to'

Shake my head no

His eyes widen

With

Relief

'I think that's a good idea'

And

For the first time I realize

Riley is a coward

But

Sadly

For the first time I realize

I'm more of a coward than he is

And

The tears continue to fall


	69. Chapter 69

SM OWNS IT ALL

Stare into his eyes

I did this

I ruined Edward and I

For this

For him

For minutes

To feel something

To feel anything

From a man who could give two shits about me

And

This whole time I thought he did

I thought he wanted me

But

No

He is just like Edward

He never wanted me

Such a fool

I'm such a fucking fool

To ever believe I was using him

It was always him

Always him

Using me

He knew

I KNOW he knew what Edward was doing

And

He never told me

'Did you know'

His eyes widen

He knew

'Did you know Edward was cheating on me'

He goes to open his mouth

Shake my head

He stops

'Get out. Just go Riley'

He walks toward the door

Before he leaves

He turns back to look at me

'I had no idea Bella. No idea'

And

I should believe him

But

I don't

I can't believe anyone

But myself

And

Most of the time I don't

'Just go Riley'

He shuts the door

And

This time

I hear it close


	70. Chapter 70

SM OWNS IT ALL

What are y'all thinking?

I finally fall asleep

To nightmares

Of me and Riley

To nightmares

Of Edward and whoever she was

I toss and turn throughout the night

Something wakes me up before the sun rises

My phone is lit up

Reach over

Pick it up

1 new text

*Edward

'I can't sleep without you'

Reply back:

'You haven't had a problem sleeping without me the past few months'

*Edward

'You always came to bed at some point'

Reply back:

'You never knew I was there'

*Edward

'But I knew once I woke up you would be'

Reply back:

'You never made me feel wanted'

*Edward

'I set my alarm early every morning so I could lay next to you. I just wanted to lay next to you'

Reply back:

'I didn't know that. You never told me'

*Edward

'I know'

This isn't a good enough response for me

Reply back:

'Why Edward. Why didn't you tell me'

*Edward:

'I didn't know I needed to. Until you were gone'

This is such a bullshit answer

I don't respond

Instead

I turn off my phone


	71. Chapter 71

SM OWNS IT ALL

So...yah...

Sunlight streams through

The curtain

I squeeze my eyes shut

Tight

Tighter

I don't want to wake up

I don't want to get out of bed

I don't want to face the day

I want to lay here

All day

I don't want to talk to anyone

I don't want to see anyone

I don't want to do anything

But

I know that won't happen

Because

I have to get up

And

Get ready for class

Then

Head to campus

The campus

That

Edward and I met

On my first day

Not as students

But

As Student and Professor


	72. Chapter 72

SM OWNS IT ALL

Glad to know I have y'all on your toes ;)

It was my first day

A freshman

Obviously

I was nervous

Obviously

I knew no one

I was trying to figure out which building

My next class was in

When it happened

We ran into each other

Literally

He was talking to Riley

And

Didn't see me

I had my head down

And

Didn't see him

I fell

And

I'm sure everyone was staring

But

I saw no one

But

Edward

At the time

I could tell he was older

Just didn't realize by how much


	73. Chapter 73

Love your thoughts!

SM owns it all

He helps me up

Chuckling

Then asks

'You ok, kid'

Those words

Stung

'I'm fine'

Give a weak smile

And

Walk away

What a dick


	74. Chapter 74

SM owns it all

I love y'all's theories! Keep me' coming!

This is back story for a while...that cool?!

Find my class

With minutes to spare

Of course it's packed

So

I end up sitting

On the end seat

3 rows back

In a huge auditorium

Basically

Front and center

Pull out my notebook

Reach in for a pen

I hear his voice

Before

I see him

'Good morning Freshmen. Welcome to Calculus.

Mr. Cullen is my name.

But. Please. Please. For my sake. Call me Edward'

What the fuck

Drop my pencil

And

Because I have awful timing

And

Because this day has already

Been a clusterfuck

My pencil

Decides to roll

Slowly

Very slowly

Down each individual step

Bringing everyone's attention to me

Including

Mr. Cullen's


	75. Chapter 75

SM owns it all

Seems like y'all like the back story, so I'll keep going :)

He leans down

Picks it up

Looks to me

'Does this belong to you Miss...'

He pauses

Waiting for me to respond

'Swan. Bella Swan'

Smiles

Walks toward me

Places the pencil on the end of my desk

'Bella. I look forward to having you in my class'

A few students chuckle

Unaware of my embarrassment

Once he makes it back to the front

He starts writing on the board

I have no idea what the lecture was about that day


	76. Chapter 76

One of my reviewees (i_s this right_) it looks weird...maybe it's right...I don't know. Regardless, they asked if I'd mind if they nominated me over at The Lemonade Stand or Facebook or at other blog sites...UM, NO! However, I DO mind if you don't tell me because I want to send hugs and kisses your way! Then I got to thinking, what if other people nominated me and didn't say anything...SO...if you did PLEASE tell me! I want to say thank you!

From there

Everything just sort of happened

Little things

The glances

The winks

The grins

About 3 weeks into the semester

The class was working on a paper

I looked up

To find you staring at me

When class was over

You told everyone to leave their work on your desk

But

You asked me to stay behind

So

I did


	77. Chapter 77

Let me know how many y'all like...I have this whole thing written out (in my head) but sometimes I have a tendency to just keep writing and writing and writing...

I was hesitant to approach

You were so mature

So

Adult

It intimidated me

And

Sometimes

I wonder

If you knew this

And

Used it to your advantage


	78. Chapter 78

SM OWNS IT ALL

I walk to your desk

But

Don't look up

My tennis shoes were very interesting

'Hey'

My eyes snap to yours

Wasn't sure what I expected

But

It wasn't this laid back approach

Here I was

18 years old

Allowed to say, 'Hey'

You weren't

You were supposed to be

Eloquent

Poised

A man almost twice my age

But

You weren't

It made me smile

You smiled back

And

From there

We started


	79. Chapter 79

_SM OWNS IT ALL_

_I'll let y'all sit with this for a while...HOLY WOW!_

Those first few months were amazing

We learned alot about each other

I learned that you'd previously been married

But it didn't last

I learned that you love children

But you didn't have any of your own

I learned that your parents got divorced when you were younger

But each of them got remarried

I learned that you had a very close relationship with your step sister

When your mother got married to her father

You were 15

She was 25

She got pregnant a few months later

The father wasn't in the picture

So even though she was 25

She decided to move back in

You became very close with her son

As you basically watched him grow up

He was more of a little brother

Than a nephew

You tell me

He's recently moved here for a position with the University

But

He has decided to move in with you for a while

You tell me

I saw him

Once

The first day we met

To be exact

His name is Riley

And

You can't wait for me to meet him


	80. Chapter 80

SM OWNS IT ALL

OMFG. I love the reviews!

The first time I went home with you

I wasn't scared

I wasn't nervous

I was happy

You were so excited to cook for me

I was intrigued with all the things you could do

I think it was your intention

But

It worked

Because

I fell for it

And

I fell for you


	81. Chapter 81

SM OWNS IT ALL

We stayed up all night

Drinking Wine

And

Talking

This time

It was about me

You wanted to know everything

On occasion you would bring light to my age

But

For the most part you accepted everything about me

And

I liked that about you

We talked about my past relationships

Which took very little time

Since

There weren't many

You wanted to know everything

Which I thought was strange

But

Understandable

Once you were appeased by my answers

We turned the subject to you

Once again

You spoke about relationships since your divorce

Or

Hookups as you liked to call them

You weren't looking to settle down

You were looking for fun

Something to take your mind off things

Until you met

Me


	82. Chapter 82

SM OWNS IT ALL

You told me

We had to keep our relationship

A secret

You told me

If anyone found out

You

Could lose your job

So

We kept everything to ourselves

You barely acknowledged me in class

I never raised by hand

I never asked questions

As

I didn't want to bring attention to myself

When the bell rang

I would leave

This went on for an entire year

I wasn't even in your class anymore

Yet

You wanted to keep me a secret

And

I didn't understand

Why


	83. Chapter 83

SM OWNS IT ALL

Then one day I'd had enough

My friends and I were sitting in the quad

They all knew I had a boyfriend

Yet

I wasn't allowed to say who it was

I didn't understand

Nothing made sense

I kept blaming myself

I'm just an immature 19 year old girl

Smitten with a man almost twice my age

Then

I heard

Well

Overheard something

From the table full of boys next to us

Have you seen Cullen's new aide

How lucky is he

She is hot

He will be hitting that in no time

I picked up my food

And

Left


	84. Chapter 84

SM OWNS IT ALL

I didn't want to speak to him

I didn't want to see him

He didn't tell me anything

About

A teacher's aide

He didn't tell me anything

I usually stop by his office after lunch

But

I didn't

And

Once my next class started

I had 15 missed texts

And

3 missed calls

But

I was done

I didn't want to be in a relationship

With a man

Who wanted to keep me a secret


	85. Chapter 85

SM OWNS IT ALL

It's SO crazy! Y'all are the best and it's true...the more y'all review the more I write!

That evening

I decided to meet up with some friends

At a fraternity house on campus

I needed some girl time

Who was I kidding

I needed some 'me' time

Being in a pissy mood

I dressed in the most sexy dress I could find

On my way out the door

I smacked into something

Edward

His gaze hard

Gently pushed me back into my apartment

Before I could say anything

He started laughing

Waving his hands around

Outraged that I was acting like a child

I could have taken it

I could have stood there and let him treat me like that

But

I didn't

I smirked

And said

'Makes sense that I'm acting immature, have you already forgotten that I'm still a teenager Edward'

Grabbed my purse off the table

Opened the door

'I'm going to a party, please leave'

He stormed past

And

Didn't look back


	86. Chapter 86

SM OWNS IT ALL

By midnight I was feeling good

Negative

I was feeling great

They had something called

Trashcan punch

And

After a few rounds

You couldn't feel your tongue

I felt my phone vibrate

In my purse

But

Didn't have the want nor the energy

To check

My friend Lanie was out on the makeshift dance floor

Grinding up on some guy named Tom

I was sitting on a couch

A dirty couch

When some boy sat next to me

He was cute

I could tell he was older

He didn't look like the other frat guys

Holding a beer

Tipping his drink toward me

'That good'

He asked

I just hummed

Fuck

I really couldn't feel my tongue

He chuckled

Said something along the lines of

Just swung by

Used to be his fraternity

When he was in College

Yada Yada

I wasn't really paying attention

He asked if I had a ride home

About that time Lanie came wobbling over

Saying she was going home with Todd

She meant Tom

Then

Asked if I could find my own way home

Dude next to me offered

I said yes


	87. Chapter 87

SM OWNS IT ALL

So...yah...

I fell asleep in his car

Correction

Passed out in his car

Awoke to someone shaking my shoulder

'Hey. Hey. Wake up. I don't know which building is yours'

We were outside my apartment complex

At least I got the address right

Opened the door

Thanked him for the ride

Before I could hop out he said

'Wait! I'm not going to let you walk out here alone. I'll take you to your door then leave'

I hesitated

'Scout's honor...'

He wanted my name

'Bella. My name's Bella'

We walked up the stairs

Once we turned the corner

I paused

Sitting outside my door was Edward

He saw us approach

Hesitated

Had a strange look in his eyes

The guy behind me paused as well

'Riley. What are you doing here'


	88. Chapter 88

SM OWNS IT ALL

I don't say a word

This is Riley

Fuck

This is the

Riley

I seriously should have paid more attention

When he told me his name

Way to go Bella

'Oh. Um. Just dropping Bella off'

Under his breath

I hear him whisper something to himself

I'm sure it wasn't pleasant

Edward looks between the two of us

'So. I take it you've met then'

I nod

But

Don't say a word

'Did you fuck'

My eyes snap to his

Riley chuckles

'Well. Did you'

I can't believe this

Use your words

I try but Riley beats me to it

'No. We didn't as you call it. Fuck'

Shakes his head

Turns to leave

With a wave behind his back

He says

'It was beautiful to meet you Bella. You can do much better than my asshole Uncle'

I smile

He doesn't notice


	89. Chapter 89

SM OWNS IT ALL

I move past this man

This man

I thought

I knew

But

I don't

Put my key into the lock

Turn

Before I can open the door

He grabs my hand

'Stop'

Breath on my neck

Smells like vodka

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've been drinking and I saw you with him and I was confused and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry'

Wraps his arms around my waist

'Tell me you forgive me. Tell me. Tell me'

Kiss

Kiss

Kiss

I do

Forgive you

Because

I always do

Forgive you


	90. Chapter 90

SM OWNS IT ALL

You tell me she's a senior

You tell me she needs to shadow a professor for her degree

You tell me she was sent to you by random

You tell me she is a bright girl

You tell me she isn't me

You tell me anything

To make me believe you

And

I do

But

I shouldn't have


	91. Chapter 91

SM OWNS IT ALL

It's the little things at first

You start coming home later

You start checking your phone more

You start staying in your classroom during lunch

You stop asking me to come by during free period

It's the little things that make me realize something is going on

It's the little things that start pushing us apart

It's also those little things that make me more aware of Riley

Because you're never there

And

He is

It's funny though

Because now that I look back at it

From the beginnig

It's the little things that built up

And

Built up

And

Turned into much bigger

Things

That caused us to break


	92. Chapter 92

SM OWNS IT ALL

The first time it happened

You were late

It was our anniversary

You forgot

But

This

This hurt

Because

I actually thought the reason you were distant

Was because you were planning something

Something extravagant

Something perfect

For me

For us

But

Obviously that wasn't the case

I sat by the door

For over an hour

Dressed up

Head to toe

My lipstick had faded

My eyeliner was running

Due to the tears

You weren't here

And

Even when you were

You still

Weren't

I had texted you

You never responded

I felt someone sit next to me

It was Riley

It was always Riley


	93. Chapter 93

SM OWNS IT ALL

'He doesn't deserve you'

A small chuckle escapes

Quickly turns into a sob

Two arms wrap around me

And

For the first time

In a long time

I feel safe

I feel wanted

I feel something

Other than fear

Fear of the unknown

He kisses the top of my head

'Come on. We're going to dinner'

I didn't notice he was dressed up

We leave

Together

For an anniversary dinner

That

Was supposed to be with someone else


	94. Chapter 94

Hey y'all this is the last one until next week, WHICH is why I updated a TON tonight!

SM OWNS IT ALL

I learn so much about Riley

His mother is Edward's step sister

Which I already knew

But

He filled me in on the details

He's very reserved

He's very perceptive

I can tell there are things he wants to say

But

He doesn't

I can tell quickly that he doesn't like gossip

Nor

Does he like talking negative about people

Which is fine with me

As

I don't like it either

I learn that he used to be in a serious relationship

But

He ended it before he moved here for this position

I learn that he is 28 years old

The university took a big risk hiring such a young professor

But

He is excited

As opposed to nervous

The more he talks

The more I want to listen

The more I want him to tell me everything

I'm not for certain how long we are there

All I know is that when we get home

Edward still isn't there


	95. Chapter 95

SM OWNS IT ALL

Once we got inside

I thanked Riley for a wonderful evening

He was quick to say it probably wasn't what I had planned

Nor

What I wanted

But

I stopped him

It was more

And

By the time I took a shower

Got into bed it was past 1:30

My phone alerted me to a new text message

*Edward*

All night

He knew I was waiting

And

He just now texts me

To say he was staying at his office

Something about an early meeting

He was sorry

He'd make it up to me tomorrow

But

I didn't care

I honestly didn't care


	96. Chapter 96

SM OWNS IT ALL

I HAVE A TON OF CHAPTERS, let me know if you want more tonight!

I went to the kitchen

To grab a glass of water

Riley was awake

Watching TV in the family room

I sat next to him

We didn't speak

We didn't have to

He turned off the TV

Staring straight ahead

Asks

'Where is he'

Hesitate

'At the office, something about a meeting in the morning'

He nods

'I don't have to tell you again that he doesn't deserve you. You know it. Yet. You do nothing about it'

I don't say anything

Because

I know I don't deserve it

I know I deserve someone better

I deserve someone who is here

'I would never treat you like this Bella. I would never make you feel this way. If you were mine. Fuck. If you were mine. You'd never be alone. Because. I would never want to be away from you'

I can't look at him

Because

I know he's looking back at me

And

I know

I'll agree with him

Because

I want the same thing


	97. Chapter 97

SM OWNS IT ALL

UM WOW! I seriously didn't expect so many reviews, y'all are like um...KICK BUTT! I have like 11 more chapters so I can post half tonight and half tomorrow? What do y'all want...

His finger caresses my face

I don't move

I can't

'Look at me Bella'

I don't

He moves my face toward him

Louder

'Look at me'

I do

But

Pull my face away

At the same time

'What do you want from me Riley, do you want me to tell you I agree. Will that make you feel better. Will that make me feel better. No. It won't do anything except make us confused'

He stands up

Pulling me along

'I'm not confused. Not anymore. I want you Bella. And. If he doesn't. Then. I'm taking matters into my own hands'

We stay in his bedroom the rest of the night

Learning each other

And

The next morning when we wake up

I don't regret a second of it

I actually want to do it

All

Over

Again


	98. Chapter 98

SM OWNS IT ALL

Pull myself

From Riley's arms

Careful not to wake him

I want to stay here

With him

Check my phone

There isn't one text

There isn't one call

There isn't anything

Fuming

But

At the same time

Don't care

When I get to campus

And

Walk into my first class

There stands Edward

Talking to my professor

What the fuck is he doing

Nodding his head back and forth

After a few minutes

Edward leaves

Doesn't look at me once

'Miss Swan'

My professor asks

Walk to his desk

'You've been excused for the rest of class. I will email you the notes this evening'

I don't say a word

Head back to my desk

Grab my bag

Once I walk out the door

Someone grabs me from behind

Edward

'Told you I'd make it up to you'


	99. Chapter 99

SM OWNS IT ALL

I have 7 additional chapters written. You want 1 a day or all now and I'll update again next Friday? XoXo

I cringe away from his touch

It isn't welcomed

And

He notices

We've grown so distant

We're standing right next to each other

But

We feel so far apart

He steps toward me

I step back

'Baby. I'm sorry about last night'

'You're sorry? You're sorry? I sat next to the door for over an hour waiting for you and you couldn't pick up the fucking phone to call or I don't know, text. You have no idea how humiliated I was. You have no idea how bad my feelings were hurt. You have no idea because you weren't there and more importantly because you don't give a shit. I can't do this. You need to fix this because we're growing apart and I can't keep trying to pull you back. If you want this to work. Then. It's your turn to try'

I turn

And

Leave


	100. Chapter 100

SM OWNS IT ALL

After that confrontation in the hallway

We didn't talk for an entire week

It was actually impressive

To live in the same place

To sleep in the same bed

And

Literally not speak to each other

But

We didn't

And

From there

It got worse

I wasn't fighting to keep us together

He wasn't fighting to keep us together

But

Riley was fighting for me


	101. Chapter 101

SM OWNS IT ALL

Slowly Riley and I became more dependent on each other

With time

Edward and I's relationship

Turned nonexistent

Yet

Neither of us would end it

It drove Riley insane

He couldn't understand why I wouldn't just leave

I wasn't happy

I was miserable

The only good part about my day was Riley

I was so confused about everything

At first

It was what would happen if I left Edward

Then

It was what would happen if I tried to have a relationship with Riley

There was always one thing after another

In a way

I think I wanted us to get caught

No

I know I wanted us to get caught

But

We never did

It would have been easier

If we had been


	102. Chapter 102

SM OWNS IT ALL

And

Well

That's where we are now

Edward and I are still not speaking

He admitted to cheating

With

The one person he promised me over and over again

He never would

Yet

Fucking around with the whole time

The times I walked into his classroom

And

She was leaning over his desk

Or

The times I knocked on his office

And

She was sitting inside

He was fucking around with her

And

I was being made a fool

So

Yah

I guess we're even


	103. Chapter 103

SM OWNS IT ALL

HEY Y'ALL, ok we're back to present day!

I'm still laying in bed

Reliving the past few years

Has taken it out of me

I'm more confused now than ever

Edward says they only fucked around

Once

But

I don't believe him

I

Don't

Believe

Him

I need to get up

And

Head to campus

I'll actually see her today

She's the assistant professor

For my morning class

Fuck me


	104. Chapter 104

SM OWNS IT ALL

Tell me what you're thinking :)

FYI: WE ARE IN PRESENT TIME NOW xoxo

Once I turn my phone on

I have 17 new text messages

9 are from Edward

8 are from Riley

I don't check any of them

Once I make it to campus

I'm quick to grab a coffee

And

Head to class

Standing outside the classroom

Is Edward

He sees me approach

And

Steps forward

But

I step around him

And

Walk inside

I take my usual seat

In the second row

I know

He is still standing by the door

I can feel his eyes on me

Look up toward the front of the classroom

And

Notice her staring at him

But

He's staring at me

Look at me

Look at me

I'm silently chanting

She does

I smirk

Her eyes widen

I look to the door

Sure enough Edward is staring at me

Pleading for me to speak to him

I smile

He frowns

Knows me well enough

To know

When I'm done

I'm done

I wave my hand between the two of them

Give him a thumbs up

Then

Flip her off


	105. Chapter 105

SM OWNS IT ALL

Good morning to my aweeeeesome story readers, XOXO!

I keep my head down the rest of class

I don't want to look at her

I don't want to speak to anyone

I want to go to my next class

Then

I want to go home

Once the bell rings

I'm out the door

I head toward the next building

And

Sure enough I hear

'Bella. Bella'

I hear his footsteps behind me

'Bella. Stop'

Turn around

'What do you want Edward. If you didn't notice I gave you the go. You're free to fuck around with her now. Out in the open. No need to do anything behind my back anymore'

I pat his shoulder in a condescending way

I'm being such a bitch

I don't care

It's time to stand up for myself

Shakes his head

Trying to fight the grimace on his face

He wants to yell at me

He wants to tell me to shut up

But

He can't

Because

We're on campus

And

People might figure out our secret

Or

The other one he's had

For a while now

With her


	106. Chapter 106

SM OWNS IT ALL

OK, y'all...alot of things are going to start happening...just, yah...

I left him standing there

Alone

I didn't want to talk to him

I didn't want to see him

I didn't want to look at him

Honestly

I wanted nothing more

To do

With him

Anymore

We have both wronged each other

In more ways than one

There comes a time when you just have to stop

If he loved me he wouldn't have cheated on me

If I loved him I wouldn't have cheated on him

Either

We're both at a stand still

And

Neither of us is going to end it

Until now

Until this moment

I'm done

We're done


	107. Chapter 107

By the time I get to my car

I have 3 missed calls from Edward

I also

Have 3 missed calls from Riley

And

1 voicemail

'Bella, it's Riley. I need to talk to you. I need to. I just. I need you. Please call me'

His voice scares me

Because

I think

No

I know

I need him to


	108. Chapter 108

SM OWNS IT ALL

This story is coming to an end...HOWEVER, with that said. I'm going to post the 1st chapter of my new story soon SO look out for that! XOXO

Before I can unlock my car

I hear him shout my name

'BELLA'

Inhale

I don't want to fight

I'm just over this

All of it

'Bella. Listen to me. I know you told me you need time and I understand that. I do. But. Please. Please. Don't end this because you're upset. Don't end this because you're mad at me. Don't end this because I left you alone. Don't end this because I fucked up ONE fucking time. Please. Just let's talk about this'

I hear him

I do

I really do

'Edward. We've both done things. Both of us. That neither of us can take back and I think. I really think we just need to move on. This isn't healthy. You left me behind so many times. You left me behind for Riley to pick up the pieces. Which he did. Many times. It's more than you cheating on me. It's more than that and you know it. So. Please. Please. PLEASE. Don't blame this all on yourself. It's just as much me as it was you. And. I just don't think we can come back from that. I just really don't think we can'

He doesn't say anything

Not

A

Word

For the longest time

Then

He says something

I never expected to hear

Ever

'I'm in love with her Bella and I'm so sorry. Fuck. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. But. I'm in love with her. I'm in love with Elizabeth'


	109. Chapter 109

SM OWNS IT ALL

WELLLL The new story is posted...I won't continue on that one until this one is completed but wanted y'all to take a peak :) xoxo

By the time I get home

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted

Then

I see Riley

Standing outside my apartment

Talking on the phone

Puts his finger up

As to tell me to be quiet

Makes a confused face

But

Just smiles

'Yes Mom, I'm waiting for her to get home. Yes, yes. I know. I know. I should just tell her how I feel. I love you too'

He's talking to his mom

Edward's stepsister

Esme

He continues to speak with her

But

Stares at me

His voice is deep and smooth like caramel

Reach up

Tangle my fingers through his messy,copper colored hair.

Trying to fix the craziness

It's crazy how much he looks like his mother

Deep green eyes

I've never seen a photo of his father

But

That wouldn't matter

He looks just like her

Perfection


	110. Chapter 110

SM OWNS IT ALL

ANNNNDDDD...welp, here we go ;)

He grabs my hand

Pulling it from his hair

Kisses my knuckles

'Mom. I gotta go. Bella just got here. Yes. She's standing right here. I don't know. Let me ask her'

He covers the phone

'She wants to talk to you'

I put my hand out

'Hey Esme'

'BELLA. I miss you. I haven't talked to you in so long. EJ told me everything last night. I'm sorry for everything you're going through. I'm going to talk to my silly step brother and figure out where the hell his head is. You're too good for him sweet girl. You're too good for him'

Smile

'Esme. It's ok. I'm fine. Honestly I am. I'll just miss you. I hope this doesn't mean you won't stay in touch'

Inhales

'Silly girl! Like I told you, I've been speaking with Edward and based on what he told me. I think I'll be with you more than I am now'

She giggles

'It's weird hearing you call Riley by his first name. I'm so used to calling him Riley, so when I hear other people call him Edward or EJ, it always throws me off'

'I KNOW! What was I thinking?! I wanted to name him after my step brother to show him how much I appreciated everything he did for us but we obviously couldn't have two Edward's in the same house so we started calling him EJ but once he got older he refused that nickname so he started going by his middle name, Riley and it just kind of stuck but yes, Riley told me everything last night'

Smile

'I'm glad he goes by his middle name. I like Riley'

She doesn't miss a beat

'I'm pretty sure he likes you too Bella'


	111. Chapter 111

SM OWNS IT ALL

Welp. This is the end, I'm glad I tricked almost everyone...y'all know how I write my stories, I like to keep all my lovely readers on their toes :)

You can check out the first chapter of my new story 'Whose It Gonna Be', now!

End the call

Hand him his phone

Eyes locked on

Green ones

Fingers brush mine

Keeping them in place

He says

'I really hate it when she calls me by my first name'

Smile

'Why'

Smirks

'Mostly because there's already one Edward. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be that man who hurts you. I'm not him'

Squeeze his fingers

'I know. I think I've always known'

Neither of us say a word

Stare

So

Much

Emotion

He speaks first

'I don't regret any of it'

His words mean so much more

Than

He knows

'Neither do I. Edward'

Wink

He laughs

Loudly

Then

Pulls me into him

Whispering in my ear

'My name is Riley'


End file.
